Good Conversation Starters
Good Conversation Starters
Here’s how to dazzle anyone with your witty verbal skills. You don’t have to look anywhere to find good conversation starters. Here are guaranteed icebreaker questions for practically anyone you’ll want to meet.
How To Talk To Anyone About Anything
By Leil Lowndes
Actors and Actresses
Remember you are dealing with an ego that is constantly being bruised by agents, producers and insensitive relatives who don’t recognize true genius when they see it. Begin with:
>How did you prepare for that role?
When you decide you want deep communication with the rising star, let her regale you with stories about her “craft”. Ask her who she “studies under” and what “techniques” she uses.
Architects
Ever wonder where the saying “ well back to the drawing board” comes from? Young architects dream of creating the ultimate structure, but many compromises later, frustration often overwhelms their ambitions. Begin with:
> What’s the size of your office?
Firm is acceptable, but architect-to-architect, it’s “office”. That’s because architects like to feel their place of work is less corporate than a law firm, more level-headed than a “studio.”
>Do you find various state regulations are eroding your profession?
Absolutely! Architects feel the heat from state registration and licensing boards, and from political pressure.
Astrology Buffs
>Do you follow the planets professionally or as a hobby?
Referring to “the planets” rather than “the stars” is an obvious demonstration of your psychic superiority.
>What role do you feel free will plays in astrology?
Even astrologers argue among themselves whether astrology reveals what is predetermined or whether there is free will involved. Ask, then sit back, and figure how much free will you can exercise in changing the subject.
Professional Athletes
Athletes who have achieved the heights have certain qualities in common. Verbal articulation may not be among them. You may need to do some coaxing. Begin with:
>What kind of mental training do you do?
Athletes use an intriguing array of psychological techniques to get themselves in “peak performance” for a game or competition.
>What do you do to get your mind off the game?
Athletes have a tendency to be obsessive about their sports, but they realize it’s not constructive. This question may lead into some other aspects of the athlete that you’ll both enjoy exploring.
Bartenders
Incredible as it may seem, a bartender is a person too, with problems, a life and a desire to talk to somebody about his world.
Begin with:
>How’s business?
The unalterable opener.
>How long have you been behind the stick (or working the wood)?
>Who are the best tippers?
Tipping is a topic of some consequence to a bartender whose major source of compensation can be gratuities. To fortify you with some information: According to a recent survey, the worst tippers at bars are doctors, then lawyers, followed by schoolteachers.
Boat Owners
>What’s her home port? Or Where do you keep her?
The crucial word here is “her”-it separates the sea farers from the landlubbers.
>What do you have for electronics?
You’ll probably hear about “radar” or “loran” their electronic navigational systems. Boys who love toys will tell you about their “GPS” or global positioning systems.
>What’s the worst weather you’ve been in?
Invitation to story hour.
Chess Players
>Do you have a rating?
Most serious chess players hold a rating from the U.S. chess federation. The rankings range from “unrated” or “class E” all the way up to “expert”, “master”, “seniormaster” and “grandmaster”.
>Do you play with the clock?
You are asking if her or she plays”speed” or “blitz “chess. This is a frantic assault where each player has a time limit of no more than five minutes and as little as one.
>Are you a problemist?
You have just asked whether he or she solves or composes chess problems in books and magazines.
Clergypeople
The following questions are safe and sensitive for Protestants, Catholics, Muslims and a variety of others.
>How do you like to be addressed?
Ask this to avoid the Minister/Pastor/Father/Reverend confusion. A clergyman named Frederick Smith might want to be addressed as “The Reverend Doctor Frederick Smith”, “Father Smith”, “Father Frederick” or “Gosh , just call me Fred.”
>For ministers: What style of worship do you use?
In the biz, they categorize it as “evangelical”, ”very formal”, “informal” or “praise-oriented”.
>What part of your ministry do you enjoy most?
Saying “your ministry” rather than “your job” elevates a fairly common question to a level that deserves diligent answer.
>For Rabbis: What’s your affiliation?
You are asking if his congregation is “orthodox”, ”conservative”, ”reformed” or “reconstructionist”.
Collectors
>What is your favorite or most prized (name of gizmo)?
Saying the name of the most cherished object is advisable whenever possible.
>Do you prefer any particular period?
Beer bottles from the 1960’s? Doorknobs from the ‘40’s? Cookie cutters from the ‘20’s?
Cowboys
>Where have you cowboy’d most?
Yes, “to cowboy” is a verb.
>Do you think the ranching industry is in trouble?
This is the hottest topic in cowboy country.
> Do you rodeo any?
Another new verb, “to rodeo”. Some cowboys just do “ranch work”. Others are cowmen who just “rodeo”. Some do both.
Crossword Puzzle Enthusiasts
>What books do you work on?
The insider’s way of asking what puzzle he or she likes to do. If he says The New York Times, give a little gasp of awe. Also ask what day’s puzzle he likes to work on. Monday is easy. It works up to almost impossible Saturday-and Sunday is potluck.
>Do you have a favorite construction?
Puzzles are not simply written. They are constructed by constructors with varying styles.
>Do you do them in pencil or ink?
Kind of revealing, isn’t it?
Farmers
>How’s the weather been?
No kidding. To a farmer, this is vital.
Firefighters
>Are you a professional or volunteer?
You don’t gain brownie points with a career professional by talking about your brother on law, the volunteer firefighter. Conversely, volunteers feel they can do the job just as well and for free.
>Tell me about some of the big ones.
Fishermen
Mastering the fisherman’s language is impossible. Don’t even try. Ask, instead these questions. They’ll help you break the ice with an angler, even if the only fish you’ve ever seen was filleted on your plate.
>What kind of fishing do you do?
For experts and novices alike. The answers will be self explanatory-“freshwater’,”saltwater”. Be sure to ask if her or she fishes from a boat, in a stream or from shoreline.
>Have you ever done any fly-fishing?
For a fisherman, this is the highest art, akin to ballet.
>What kind of lures, flies or bait do you use?
Even if you have no idea what he’s talking about,some of the names can be fun: “lullybugger”, “bucktail”, “corkbug”, “dusty miller”, “Jock Scot,” to name a few.
>What’s the biggest fish you ever caught?
Only if you dare.
Flight Attendants
Lest you haven’t been commercially airborne since the “Coffee,tea or me” days, there have been a few changes,starting with the name. The politically correct term is “flight attendant”, never steward or stewardess.
>What kind of travel privileges do you get?
The airlines offer various travel passes to in-flight personnel and their families.
>What’s your favorite layover?
You have just asked which city of the airline’s routes he or she enjoys staying overnight in the most.
Golfers
If you think like Mark Twain, that golf is the way to ruin a perfectly good walk, take a swing at the following.
>What’s your handicap?
If the answer is in the 20’s or lower, you should show appropriate awe.
>What courses do you play?
This safe question serves a dual purpose. It thrills the golfer and allows you to segue into a lively travel discussion.
>Where’s the U.S. Open this year?
A respectable curiosity because the location changes annually.
Lawyers
Lawyers aren’t really so bad to talk to-if you know what not to say. Do not ask who their clients are. Do not talk about fees. And never, ever ask for legal advice on anything.
>What kind of practice do you have?
In private practice working for himself or herself? With a law firm as an associate or a partner? Working in government or in industry?
>Do you ever get to court?
Some attorneys never do any trial work. Others spend their professional lives in the courtroom doing litigation.
Models
So you met a model. Have some sympathy. As gorgeous as she may be, she’s in a competitive line of work where she will be faded at 26.
>Do you do mostly print or runway?
If she answers ”print” express admiration. Being a photographic or print model is very competitive. If she says ” runway” express admiration. It takes talent to twirl around on a runway. If she says “showroom” express admiration.
>Do you have your head shot with you?
Her head shot is a photo of her face Look at it for a long time. Then say, “Nice commercial shot, but it doesn’t capture your tremendous presence.” Deep.
Pilots
>What type of airplane do you fly?
Don’t shorten to “plane” or you’ll be tagged as a know nothing landlubber.
>What ratings do you have?
A must ask question. There are three basic ratings. A private pilot can take you up in his little tree-trimmer. A commercial pilot is permitted to fly larger aircraft for hire. And if he has an air transport pilot’s license, it means he’s succumbed to “big iron fever” and has ratings to fly for an airline.
>Ever have to make any forced landings?
Invitation to story hour, pilot style.
Vegetarians
>How strict a vegetarian are you?
Here are possible responses, translated :
“Vegan”- I consume no foods of animal origin whatsoever.
“Lactovegetarian”: I eat dairy products, but no eggs.
“Ovovegetarian”: I also eat eggs.
“Ovolactovegetarian”: I consume eggs and dairy products, but no animal flesh.
“Semivegetarian”: I eat dairy products and eggs as well as little fish and chicken but no red meat.
>How long have you been a vegetarian?
Avoid the carnivore’s usual naïve question, ”But how do you get your protein?
>Have you found any restaurants that serve great vegetarian meals?
Dining out is always a challenge. Ask also about any special vegetarian recipes.
White-Water Rafters
>How many times have you gone for a swim?
Rafter’s jargon for “falling out of the boat”.
Wine Connoisseurs
Begin by asking, “where are most of your bottles from”? This is a safe question, because you are probably more familiar with terrestrial geography than the solar system of wine varieties. Ask also if he or she has a “wine cellar” which in American cities, is probably a temperature-controlled closet in the penthouse, still called a “cellar”. Follow it up with:
>Do you think California has caught up with Europe?
Most wine virtuosos will sing the praises of French wine over California wine.
>I’m looking for a house wine. Anything you could recommend in a good red or white under $50?
Zen Buddhists
Begin by asking, ”where do you sit”? The essence of Japanese Buddhism, Zen is sitting still in contemplation, a form of meditation. People practice zen at home and often go to a “Zendo” or temple . Although there is incense, bowing, chanting and candles in a “Zendo”. Zen Buddhism is not a religion. Buddha is not a god, nor is he worshipped.
>How long have you been a student of Zen?
Zen practioners call themselves perennial students because there is no final level in self-actualization. Never ask, “Are you celibate”?, Can you marry”?
“Why do you shave your head”? or “Why is Budhha so fat’? The answers are respectively, “No”, “Yes”, “Only monks and nuns do” and “I dunno”.
About the author:
Liel Lowndes is a corporate communications coach and consultant. She owns Applause, Ltd. A promotional and communications services company in New York city.
Here’s how to dazzle anyone with your witty verbal skills. You don’t have to look anywhere to find good conversation starters. Here are guaranteed icebreaker questions for practically anyone you’ll want to meet.
How To Talk To Anyone About Anything
By Leil Lowndes
Actors and Actresses
Remember you are dealing with an ego that is constantly being bruised by agents, producers and insensitive relatives who don’t recognize true genius when they see it. Begin with:
>How did you prepare for that role?
When you decide you want deep communication with the rising star, let her regale you with stories about her “craft”. Ask her who she “studies under” and what “techniques” she uses.
Architects
Ever wonder where the saying “ well back to the drawing board” comes from? Young architects dream of creating the ultimate structure, but many compromises later, frustration often overwhelms their ambitions. Begin with:
> What’s the size of your office?
Firm is acceptable, but architect-to-architect, it’s “office”. That’s because architects like to feel their place of work is less corporate than a law firm, more level-headed than a “studio.”
>Do you find various state regulations are eroding your profession?
Absolutely! Architects feel the heat from state registration and licensing boards, and from political pressure.
Astrology Buffs
>Do you follow the planets professionally or as a hobby?
Referring to “the planets” rather than “the stars” is an obvious demonstration of your psychic superiority.
>What role do you feel free will plays in astrology?
Even astrologers argue among themselves whether astrology reveals what is predetermined or whether there is free will involved. Ask, then sit back, and figure how much free will you can exercise in changing the subject.
Professional Athletes
Athletes who have achieved the heights have certain qualities in common. Verbal articulation may not be among them. You may need to do some coaxing. Begin with:
>What kind of mental training do you do?
Athletes use an intriguing array of psychological techniques to get themselves in “peak performance” for a game or competition.
>What do you do to get your mind off the game?
Athletes have a tendency to be obsessive about their sports, but they realize it’s not constructive. This question may lead into some other aspects of the athlete that you’ll both enjoy exploring.
Bartenders
Incredible as it may seem, a bartender is a person too, with problems, a life and a desire to talk to somebody about his world.
Begin with:
>How’s business?
The unalterable opener.
>How long have you been behind the stick (or working the wood)?
>Who are the best tippers?
Tipping is a topic of some consequence to a bartender whose major source of compensation can be gratuities. To fortify you with some information: According to a recent survey, the worst tippers at bars are doctors, then lawyers, followed by schoolteachers.
Boat Owners
>What’s her home port? Or Where do you keep her?
The crucial word here is “her”-it separates the sea farers from the landlubbers.
>What do you have for electronics?
You’ll probably hear about “radar” or “loran” their electronic navigational systems. Boys who love toys will tell you about their “GPS” or global positioning systems.
>What’s the worst weather you’ve been in?
Invitation to story hour.
Chess Players
>Do you have a rating?
Most serious chess players hold a rating from the U.S. chess federation. The rankings range from “unrated” or “class E” all the way up to “expert”, “master”, “seniormaster” and “grandmaster”.
>Do you play with the clock?
You are asking if her or she plays”speed” or “blitz “chess. This is a frantic assault where each player has a time limit of no more than five minutes and as little as one.
>Are you a problemist?
You have just asked whether he or she solves or composes chess problems in books and magazines.
Clergypeople
The following questions are safe and sensitive for Protestants, Catholics, Muslims and a variety of others.
>How do you like to be addressed?
Ask this to avoid the Minister/Pastor/Father/Reverend confusion. A clergyman named Frederick Smith might want to be addressed as “The Reverend Doctor Frederick Smith”, “Father Smith”, “Father Frederick” or “Gosh , just call me Fred.”
>For ministers: What style of worship do you use?
In the biz, they categorize it as “evangelical”, ”very formal”, “informal” or “praise-oriented”.
>What part of your ministry do you enjoy most?
Saying “your ministry” rather than “your job” elevates a fairly common question to a level that deserves diligent answer.
>For Rabbis: What’s your affiliation?
You are asking if his congregation is “orthodox”, ”conservative”, ”reformed” or “reconstructionist”.
Collectors
>What is your favorite or most prized (name of gizmo)?
Saying the name of the most cherished object is advisable whenever possible.
>Do you prefer any particular period?
Beer bottles from the 1960’s? Doorknobs from the ‘40’s? Cookie cutters from the ‘20’s?
Cowboys
>Where have you cowboy’d most?
Yes, “to cowboy” is a verb.
>Do you think the ranching industry is in trouble?
This is the hottest topic in cowboy country.
> Do you rodeo any?
Another new verb, “to rodeo”. Some cowboys just do “ranch work”. Others are cowmen who just “rodeo”. Some do both.
Crossword Puzzle Enthusiasts
>What books do you work on?
The insider’s way of asking what puzzle he or she likes to do. If he says The New York Times, give a little gasp of awe. Also ask what day’s puzzle he likes to work on. Monday is easy. It works up to almost impossible Saturday-and Sunday is potluck.
>Do you have a favorite construction?
Puzzles are not simply written. They are constructed by constructors with varying styles.
>Do you do them in pencil or ink?
Kind of revealing, isn’t it?
Farmers
>How’s the weather been?
No kidding. To a farmer, this is vital.
Firefighters
>Are you a professional or volunteer?
You don’t gain brownie points with a career professional by talking about your brother on law, the volunteer firefighter. Conversely, volunteers feel they can do the job just as well and for free.
>Tell me about some of the big ones.
Fishermen
Mastering the fisherman’s language is impossible. Don’t even try. Ask, instead these questions. They’ll help you break the ice with an angler, even if the only fish you’ve ever seen was filleted on your plate.
>What kind of fishing do you do?
For experts and novices alike. The answers will be self explanatory-“freshwater’,”saltwater”. Be sure to ask if her or she fishes from a boat, in a stream or from shoreline.
>Have you ever done any fly-fishing?
For a fisherman, this is the highest art, akin to ballet.
>What kind of lures, flies or bait do you use?
Even if you have no idea what he’s talking about,some of the names can be fun: “lullybugger”, “bucktail”, “corkbug”, “dusty miller”, “Jock Scot,” to name a few.
>What’s the biggest fish you ever caught?
Only if you dare.
Flight Attendants
Lest you haven’t been commercially airborne since the “Coffee,tea or me” days, there have been a few changes,starting with the name. The politically correct term is “flight attendant”, never steward or stewardess.
>What kind of travel privileges do you get?
The airlines offer various travel passes to in-flight personnel and their families.
>What’s your favorite layover?
You have just asked which city of the airline’s routes he or she enjoys staying overnight in the most.
Golfers
If you think like Mark Twain, that golf is the way to ruin a perfectly good walk, take a swing at the following.
>What’s your handicap?
If the answer is in the 20’s or lower, you should show appropriate awe.
>What courses do you play?
This safe question serves a dual purpose. It thrills the golfer and allows you to segue into a lively travel discussion.
>Where’s the U.S. Open this year?
A respectable curiosity because the location changes annually.
Lawyers
Lawyers aren’t really so bad to talk to-if you know what not to say. Do not ask who their clients are. Do not talk about fees. And never, ever ask for legal advice on anything.
>What kind of practice do you have?
In private practice working for himself or herself? With a law firm as an associate or a partner? Working in government or in industry?
>Do you ever get to court?
Some attorneys never do any trial work. Others spend their professional lives in the courtroom doing litigation.
Models
So you met a model. Have some sympathy. As gorgeous as she may be, she’s in a competitive line of work where she will be faded at 26.
>Do you do mostly print or runway?
If she answers ”print” express admiration. Being a photographic or print model is very competitive. If she says ” runway” express admiration. It takes talent to twirl around on a runway. If she says “showroom” express admiration.
>Do you have your head shot with you?
Her head shot is a photo of her face Look at it for a long time. Then say, “Nice commercial shot, but it doesn’t capture your tremendous presence.” Deep.
Pilots
>What type of airplane do you fly?
Don’t shorten to “plane” or you’ll be tagged as a know nothing landlubber.
>What ratings do you have?
A must ask question. There are three basic ratings. A private pilot can take you up in his little tree-trimmer. A commercial pilot is permitted to fly larger aircraft for hire. And if he has an air transport pilot’s license, it means he’s succumbed to “big iron fever” and has ratings to fly for an airline.
>Ever have to make any forced landings?
Invitation to story hour, pilot style.
Vegetarians
>How strict a vegetarian are you?
Here are possible responses, translated :
“Vegan”- I consume no foods of animal origin whatsoever.
“Lactovegetarian”: I eat dairy products, but no eggs.
“Ovovegetarian”: I also eat eggs.
“Ovolactovegetarian”: I consume eggs and dairy products, but no animal flesh.
“Semivegetarian”: I eat dairy products and eggs as well as little fish and chicken but no red meat.
>How long have you been a vegetarian?
Avoid the carnivore’s usual naïve question, ”But how do you get your protein?
>Have you found any restaurants that serve great vegetarian meals?
Dining out is always a challenge. Ask also about any special vegetarian recipes.
White-Water Rafters
>How many times have you gone for a swim?
Rafter’s jargon for “falling out of the boat”.
Wine Connoisseurs
Begin by asking, “where are most of your bottles from”? This is a safe question, because you are probably more familiar with terrestrial geography than the solar system of wine varieties. Ask also if he or she has a “wine cellar” which in American cities, is probably a temperature-controlled closet in the penthouse, still called a “cellar”. Follow it up with:
>Do you think California has caught up with Europe?
Most wine virtuosos will sing the praises of French wine over California wine.
>I’m looking for a house wine. Anything you could recommend in a good red or white under $50?
Zen Buddhists
Begin by asking, ”where do you sit”? The essence of Japanese Buddhism, Zen is sitting still in contemplation, a form of meditation. People practice zen at home and often go to a “Zendo” or temple . Although there is incense, bowing, chanting and candles in a “Zendo”. Zen Buddhism is not a religion. Buddha is not a god, nor is he worshipped.
>How long have you been a student of Zen?
Zen practioners call themselves perennial students because there is no final level in self-actualization. Never ask, “Are you celibate”?, Can you marry”?
“Why do you shave your head”? or “Why is Budhha so fat’? The answers are respectively, “No”, “Yes”, “Only monks and nuns do” and “I dunno”.
About the author:
Liel Lowndes is a corporate communications coach and consultant. She owns Applause, Ltd. A promotional and communications services company in New York city.
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